Getting the Love You Want

My parents had a really rocky few where I wasn't at all sure they were going to stay married. It wasn't really fun for any of us. However, like most hard things we go through, there are usually some silver linings. One silver lining for me was that I didn't have any crazy romantic notions that married life would be happily ever after romantic bliss all of the time. I knew marriage could be difficult. I also knew it was possible to work through difficulties. I often wonder what I would have been like married without their example because by nature I like to run away from problems. Things get too hard, I quit and try something new. That's a consistent pattern in my life. Scary.

Anyway, it seems like about once a year, I start to notice we're getting into too much of a routine or forgetting to take enough time for each other or (mostly me) getting preoccupied with other things and I start looking for something to reignite the spark. I just read a really good book called, "Getting the Love You Want." I highly recommend it. I will warn you if you are sensitive about your parenting skills, or you're a perfectionist, the first third will make you want to throw the book out the window. But stick with it, it's life changing.

What I like most about this book, as opposed to other relationship books, is it doesn't try to fit everyone into predetermined categories. You fit here and your spouse fits here, do these five things and life will be good. Instead, it takes you both on a journey through a series of exercises to help you better understand each other and yourself so that you can figure out how to love each other most effectively. It also refuses to let you focus on yourself and what your spouse should be doing for you which is the fastest way to relationship death, in my opinion.

The other thing I like is the author is Christian. He goes off for a chapter bragging about himself as a preacher which is annoying, but ignore that. Doctrinally it fits with my beliefs and my personal experiences and that gives it even more validity. I have a hard time imagining a good relationship void of God.

Anyway, there you go. Fall in love all over again only better.